For now
by Yukka Sam
Summary: One of Merlin s many secrets hurts too much. So much Arthur realizes.


**A/N: **Okay, here´s my second fic! Hope you like it, and since English isn´t my mother tongue, if you see any mistakes that make you want to poke your eyes out., tell me!: )

And by the way, I just found out there´s something called bromance. Cool, gonna tell my best friend how bromantic we are together, just to see her face!

**Author**: Yukka Sam

**Words**: 1226

**Rating**: K+

**Disclaimer**: I don´t own Merlin. If I did, the characters names would be in Spanish, as in Merlín, Arturo, Úter, Ginebra and Lanzarote. Yeah, seriously. So you better pray I never ever own it XD

**Genre**: Merlin/Arthur Bromance (:D), Hurt/Comfort. Mentions of Merlin/Freya romance.

Spoilers from 2x09.

**For now**

The other Merlin just stared at him, with a spark of despair in his eyes. The warlock contemplated the very image of himself, the same hair, the same skin, the same clothes and the same sadness.

Reluctantly, he looked up from the water, releasing himself from the penetrating eyes of his reflection. But he wasn't free from the guilt.

It was almost as if every mountain, every flower, every drop of water was reminding him of her. He still found it hard to believe that, when he looked at the water, it didn´t show him the image of Freya, instead of his own. The lake (their lake, _her_ lake) wanted him to keep remembering her while it forbade him to see her one more time.

It was cruel, so cruel. But Merlin couldn´t help coming back again and again, to stare into the depths of the water to look for his lost love, to wonder _why, why, because it was so very painful and lonely and he couldn´t even cry anymore and nobody would ever know about who she truly was and it wasn´t fair and he missed her so, so much…_

He was too lost in his mournful thoughts to hear the steps that stopped right beside him. But had he, he would have stayed in the same place. He didn´t really care who it was.

What he certainly wasn´t expecting was to have that "who" shouting in his ear.

"What the hell are you doing here, you idiot!" Arthur Pendragon stood in the shore of the lake in all his royal importance "I´ve been looking for you all day! I have an armour to be cleaned, a sword to be polished, a bed to be made and a mountain of clothes to be washed. And guess what? They´re aaall expecting you, so get you lazy ass back to Camelot with me already!"

His servant didn´t move a muscle Weird, because the boy used to obey him, though reluctantly when he was throwing one of his tantrums, as he called them. But no matter how badly Arthur behaved, Merlin always ended up helping him (even if he did while muttering something about a royal prat who should learn to do his own chores already).

"C´mon Merlin, what are you waiting for?" Okay, now Arthur was starting to worry. He had never seen Merlin like that. Except…

The only other time he had seen Merlin in such a state was months ago, around the time with the bounty hunter and that beast. He remembered the boy sitting in the prince´s chambers; polishing boot after boot, with a sad look in his eyes. The moment Arthur had seen it, he had vowed to himself he would do everything in his power to make it go away and never return.

Now that look was back. And Arthur Pendragon did a lot of things, but he never broke his promises.

Feeling a déjà vu from last time, he sat next to Merlin with a soft puff. He then stared at the lake, wondering worriedly how could he start a conversation with his stubborn servant. Luckily for him, he didn´t need to.

"Sorry" Arthur turned to look at him at the weak sound of the boy´s voice. "I didn´t mean to disappear like that. I just came here to…think."

If it wasn´t for the tense atmosphere, Arthur would have commented something about the impossibility of that case, but any retort died in his lips with staring at Merlin´s expression.

"About anything in particular?" he tried to get the boy to talk. If that was what Merlin needed, then that was what Arthur would do.

"Actually…" Merlin closed his mouth and opened it again, but he didn´t make any sound "No."

He did trust Arthur. He trusted him more than anyone, but he just…couldn´t bring himself to tell him about Freya. It was only one secret and at the same time it wasn´t, because that secret was connected to another, and that one to other, and so on. And Merlin didn´t know what to do anymore. He couldn´t bear the weight of all those secrets, but he couldn´t tell Arthur. Or could he?

"Merlin…"

"It´s all too much" the servant suddenly whispered while compressing with too many strength his head between his fists. Alarmed, Arthur grabbed his arms and forced him to retire his hands. He restrained him gently but strongly, but the boy wasn´t trying to resist. Surprised, Arthur realized Merlin was shaking weakly.

He had seen Merlin cry before. When Will died he had heard his sobs from outside the house. When he brought him to see Gaius in jail, he had seen the bitter tears of impotence in his servant´s face. When the Dragonlord had died, he told Merlin he should cry for no one. None of those times had he been brave enough to try and comfort Merlin, and he wasn´t sure he could handle seeing his friend like that again.

But, by looking at how Merlin was keeping his back to him, it was clear he didn´t want to cry in front of Arthur as much as the prince did. He felt a pang of guilt at that. Arthur had never been good at dealing with people, maybe because nobody was good at dealing with him. But the only reason the Crown Prince of Camelot was sitting next to a lake getting his clothes damp and dirty (not that he didn´t have a hundred of servants to clean them), was a sniffling servant boy who couldn´t even do his job properly. Merlin was worth it.

Of course, that didn´t mean he was willing to stay there all day.

"Merlin…"he repeated, letting go of the boy but keeping a hand on his shoulder "I´m…I want to help you, but I can´t if you won´t tell me what´s wrong" he stared at the boy expectantly. "C´mon…you know I´m really no good with this…" he trailed off, cursing his inexperience. Merlin then sniffed softly.

"Wait…did you just admit you´re not good at something?"

Arthur turned to look at him, surprised. An attempt of a smile was starting to show in the boy´s face. "Wow. I never thought this day would come. Should we celebrate a feast?"

The prince smirked. "Nah, I prefer to keep it a secret between us. So…shall we go, then?"

Merlin got up, shook the dirt off his clothes and extended a hand to Arthur.

"Let´s go" he stared a last time at the lake, and caught Arthur looking at him. "What?"

"For now, Merlin" the prince said with a serious tone of voice "Only for this time. No more. Don´t even think you are getting away with it."

And Merlin understood what he meant. The prince was giving him more time, for him to choose to tell him about whatever was hurting him.

"Well? Are you going to stay there all day or what?"

"Oh, but Sire…" counterattacked Merlin while going to get his horse. "Did you really ride all this way from Camelot on your own, just for me? I´m flattered."

"Yes, well, nobody else was bothered enough by your absence to come along."

"Then I suppose I should feel honoured that the Crown Prince of Camelot came to look for his clumsiest servant." the warlock said merrily.

Their usual banter went on for all the way back. But neither of them had forgotten what had happened that day, they wouldn´t until they talked about it.

No, it wasn´t over, but if Arthur had his way, soon it would be.

And Arthur always had his way.

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So how was it? Constructive criticism is welcome, regarding the story or the English. Thanks for reading! Please review! :)


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